Reality

Would that I could just not listen
To other people’s thoughts
That I could take their judgments
With a grain of salt
But it changes everything
When you are not believed
Suddenly you doubt yourself
Think things aren’t as they seem
Memories you had such trust in
That explained your pain
Now become proof positive
Your heart should feel such shame
If I made up these stories
Then how much does it say
That I am messed up without hope
And for all, I’m to blame
I wish I knew just who to trust
Just who declares the truth
The me that says it’s in my head or
The me that says abuse
My job would be much easier
If nothing had occurred
No need to fight through flashbacks
If I wasn’t hurt
But every time I start to say
That this is not my past
Some memory breaks free
And I am pulled right back
The only thing that gives me pause
In dealing with this truth
Is how can I condemn someone
When I do not have proof
The years have left me struggling
Going forth and back
Changing my mind so many times
That I am losing track, but
Reality is not a choice
With outcome picked by you
No matter how you wish you could
You can’t erase the truth