Questions

Today my world shattered
It echoed through my soul
A flashback caught me unawares
Destroyed all my control
Although I think control was
A delusion that I held
The truth lies here broken
Mere pieces of myself
The sharpness of the shards
Cuts me to the quick
Instead of blood pouring out
It’s anger, nice and thick
Anger at my abuser
For all he put me through
Anger at myself
For denying that it’s true
Just anger, blinding anger
Against a world so dark
It’s allowed the problem of abuse
To multiply so far
I don’t feel anger often
At least not on this scale
But today I want to scream so loud
They’ll hear me down in hell
Then there is the anger
That I cannot deny
Hurtling up to my God
Creator of my life
He’s my Heavenly Father
Who watches over me
So where was He when I was hurt
Did He just not see?
Trying to figure out
Why my Lord did disappear
While I was fighting through
My anguish and my fears
Has me asking questions
I never did before
Ones that leave me rattled
Deep down in my core
I just don’t understand
Why I was all alone
When this happened to me
Where did my Savior go?
Somewhere deep inside I know
God promised me His love
I may have felt abandoned
But in truth I never was
Even through the darkness
He will never leave
Even if I can’t feel Him
He still is here with me
No matter what may happen
What lies around the bend
God will hold me close
Until the very end