Even Then

“This may never go away”
Pounds a rhythm in my head
I may never break free
Until I’m finally dead
I NEED to hurt
I NEED to die
But I want so much more
I want to love my life
The way I did before
My world darkening
Leaves me wondering how much time
Before I do something foolish
Choose pathways that aren’t mine
I don’t know how to stop it
I don’t know how to change
Just the thought that it might win
Terrifies me each day
How can I fight against something
I don’t understand?
But I refuse to accept
That this is out of my hands
I know that I lack strength
To triumph on my own
I realize I need help
I thank God I’m not alone
My Lord is here with me
Walking by my side
No matter what I’m feeling
I do not have to hide
As I battle every day
With thoughts I can’t control
He commits Himself to me
He never will let go
As each day brings new struggles
In this all-consuming war
The power of His love
Sustains me and restores
I only need remember
To always trust in Him
When I’m lost and can’t go on
He’s with me even then