Drowning

Telling myself it's not wrong,
I shut down one more time
Watch as every struggle holds its breath
I make no movements big or small,
carefully I find
Succumbing to emotions getting less
I close my eyes and wait,
unsure what to expect
But flashes from my past trigger gasps
I find myself caught in
the same old misdirect
This agony is always going to last
Now cold and shaking,
I search for solid ground
A place for my heart to safely wait
But hearing echoes of his voice,
I fall down and drown
Helpless for the strong waves to abate
Guidance is available,
and falling to my knees
I lift my eyes to He Who sees all hurt
In the midst of shutting down again,
I pray for lasting peace
Made possible by God's Own Holy Word